Application for Bailout

Dear George,

Please put my check in the mail.

I’m sorry I’m so late with this, but I need a bailout.  Let me explain.  I had a business.  It tanked like Lehman Brothers, AIG, Bears Stearn et al.   It was a restaurant and I tried hard but lost a lot of money. 

Here’s the good news:  I never paid myself $31 million a year as the CEO.  In fact, I rarely paid myself at all, and still have bills from the business I’m trying to pay.  Didn’t file bankruptcy like Lehman Brothers.  Paid all my tax bills – eventually – out of my own pocket.  Didn’t get to play with derivatives, hedge funds, or any gimmicks to make it look like I was making money so I could pay myself a big bonus.

Sorry, I was unaware of the bailout program at the time, but I’m sure that the economy can not take a further hit by remembering my losses, so I could really use a check for $1.5 million to spread among my partners and stockholders, and my wife who didn’t see me for 5 years.  Please fed ex – the sooner I get the check the sooner the Gulf Coast economy will improve.

 

Thanks,

Rick

 

PS:  Bill the grandchildren