PRESIDENT BUSH TO SIGN EXECUTIVE ORDER
President George Bush made a stunning announcement in his Monday morning press conference.
“This morning, by Presidential Executive Order, I have repealed the 22nd Amendment to the Constitution which limits Presidential terms to two. I have decided that it is in the best interest of the United States of America that I run for reelection next year. I am also confident that voters of America will see the wisdom of this and re-elect me. Much like World War II, when FDR led this nation and was elected 4 times, America realizes that the war on terror warrants special actions like this.”
This stunning announcement, which no one saw coming, will undoubtedly send shock waves around the world.
The press at first sat in silence. Many questions followed, but it is the amazing back story that has since been leaked to the press through aides that has the capital reeling.
The story began to take shape at the Bush family convention. Apparently George W. used all sorts of family pressure to get Jeb Bush to run in the upcoming 2008 election. Jeb steadfastly refused, citing the weather in Florida. George W. then turned to his father, George H. W. to implore him to run again, as he still has a term left on his eligibility. Dad pointed out that he would be 88 at the finish of such a term and just didn’t know if America would vote for an 84 year old. However, he agreed to leave the door open if Jeb would agree to serve as his Vice President. Again Jeb refused. This left the Bushes no bridge to 2016 when the twins Jenna and Barbara would be eligible to run. George’s plan for 8 years of Jeb was now in shambles and since Dick Cheney’s health seems to rule him out as a successor, George noted that the 22nd amendment was the only thing standing in his way. Thus was born this amazing plan to keep Dubya in office. Although everyone throughout his administration and family were initially opposed, apparently both Laura and the dog went along, clearing the way.
Reaction from both the left and right has been swift. Rev Jerry Falwell praised the plan.
“President Bush has proven that he has the moral fiber and Christian values to lead our nation against not only the terrorists, but those at home who would terrorize Americans with abortions and gay marriage. I am greatly relieved he has taken this action as I see no one on the horizon who can continue these fights.”
Senator Ted Kennedy’s (D- Mass) response was quite the opposite. “He can’t do that.”
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-Mass) immediately promised to begin Congressional Hearings.
Commentator George Will remarked, “I wouldn’t sell this short. Such a rudimentary challenge to the Constitution would undoubtedly end up in front of the Supreme Court, which is now stacked with Bush nominees.”
Comedian Al Franken, who is running for Senator of Minnesota kept his most biting response for Falwell. “What an idiot. This travesty of a war is exactly what you get when you elect a President on the basis of his views on abortion and gay marriage.
Those aren’t issues – they’re smoke screens – Karl Rove’s greatest hits. Hopefully America will wake up and realize that we need to vote based on the major issues, not the silly moral ones. The country is going to go down in flames – but at least we won’t have gay people tying the knot.”
Meanwhile, the silence was remarkably deafening from Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton.
Aides said with the Clinton Family Convention coming up this weekend, they must carefully consider the consequences. Reportedly, there was immediate friction as Bill realized this could put him back in the race for 2008. Hillary was of course initially opposed.
What will happen is anybody’s guess but a close aide, speaking on condition of anonymity commented as follows, “It’s not a matter of if Bill would run again, but when.
The overriding factor will be that to provide a bridge to Chelsea’s eligibility they must serve through 2016. All parties believe that while it is obvious Hillary is bright enough and ready to be President, the over-riding concern among the staff is that there are too many Americans that just seem to hate her, as evidenced by the recent Republican silence on her. Republicans apparently would like to see her run because they believe they can beat her, so their plan is to lay off of her until she is nominated.
They would not be nearly so confident if it was Bill running, as history is smiling on him by comparison to Bush.
But, Hillary wants none of it. She believes she can be elected not once, but twice – then turn it over to Chelsea. She has hinted she would offer unlimited sexual freedom to Bill to keep him on the sidelines.
But as one aide put it, “The Heartland of America hasn’t warmed to Hillary Clinton. By comparison Global Warming is moving at light speed.”
Republicans appear elated at Bush’s decision. Said one, “Let’s face it. Bush sunk the Titanic – he’s the best one to raise it.”
Ann Coulter could barely contain her enthusiasm. “This is another daring leadership move from our President and should be sufficient to keep the Godless faggots on the left from screwing up the world.”
Mitt Romney, the candidate closest to Bush in the “morals and values” camp seemed resigned to dropping out. “I’m stunned that this could happen, but it may be for the best,” he remarked before retreating hastily from reporters.
In a moment that will be undoubtedly be cited as proof of his temper, Senator John McCain (R – Arizona) exploded on the set of Jon Stewart’s “The Daily Show. “This is ridiculous. His arrogance amazes me. I’ve supported this idiotic war and its wasted lives long enough. For him to go stab me in the back like this is incredible, just incredible.” He then stormed off, canceling his appearance on the show. Aides said he is formulating his apology and that his remarks were off the record and were taken out of context.
Republican front-runner Rudy Giuliani had no comment, but the first reaction from his camp indicated that he would continue his quest for the nomination, assuming that Bush allows a Republican convention.
There was some backlash from within the party. Gov Arnold Schwarzenegger stated the obvious. “While he’s rewriting the constitution, let him rewrite dat part about foreigners. Then I can go to Washington and do some Terminating.”
The media was equally stunned. Fox News immediately renewed all their fair and balanced evening shows. Bill O’Reilly issued the following statement: “We must fight them over there so we don’t have to fight them here.”
Comedian Bill Maher was at his best. “I’ve been saying for a long time President Bush has been trampling the Bill of Rights. Now he’s just moving on to the rest of the amendments.”
Academic response was quick as well. Constitutional scholar Biff Burns said, “This is obviously exactly the opposite of what needs to happen. First, we are evolving to almost a dual monarchy, with two houses competing. These two families have already held the Presidency for 5 consecutive terms. This would essentially set up an unlimited opportunity for the two families. But secondly, and more importantly is the fact that our recent history indicates the need for a one term limit for President. It can be argued that all of the second terms in the last 50 years have been tainted by arrogance, boredom, and superiority. Nixon resigned, Clinton was impeached, Reagan had the Iran Contra scandal, Bush has mired us in another war. Look at Lyndon Johnson who didn’t even want to face another term. By contrast, history has been kind to one term Presidents Jimmy Carter, Gerald Ford, and George H.W. Bush who are all revered. It seems the mind wanders after that first term and the whole second term is a lame-duckdisaster. Maybe one six-year term would be better.”
Meanwhile, the Hollywood left exploded. Ben Affleck said it was the last straw and impeachment proceedings should begin. Barbra Streisand is said to be in seclusion, writing checks.
But President Bush seemed oblivious to any potential backlash. When asked by Helen Thomas what made him think he could overturn an amendment with the stroke of a pen he replied, “I believe that it is critical that we finish what we started. We believe there are many countries out there with weapons of mass destruction in development and we will not rest until we have taken those countries, such as Iran, to task.”
He was asked if this was the first step in invading Iran. “Iran has to be on our radar. We will not rest until Iraq is stabilized and the WMD’s are eliminated from all other terrorist countries of the world except ours.”
When asked about the obvious constitutional issue at stake with this unprecedented action, Bush stated “I believe in the American people and that they will see the wisdom of this decision. There is a lot of time between now and the election. I will convince them this is the right thing for America. Until then, we will be beefing up our security and monitoring so that we can snuff out any unpatriotic acts by Americans. Given that we have successfully updated many laws to deal with these very different times, I have many steps in mind to make this work. But remember, we always are open to criticism and suggestions.
Al Gore responded, “This is a man who has already won two elections without having a majority vote. If you think he can’t pull this off, you are really overestimating the current state of our system of Checks and Balances. This is bigger than Global Warming, bigger than the Oscars. This man must be stopped before we have no rights left.”
John Kerry was also heard from. “Although I am dismayed by his actions, I am pleased that this makes me eligible to lose to him again, and I will have my joke writers back on the job by the first of the month.”
In a related story Dick Cheney announced he would proudly serve 4 more years when Bush is reelected.
