I'll Have What He's Having

I just can’t help drawing comparisons between the fantasy world of sports and the real world from which sports distracts us:

One common denominator is Greed

How do you get rich in America? Nowadays, you hope to win the lottery, or you sue someone, or you go for the inflated sports/entertainment dollar. You could work for it. But, as we know, that’s no sure thing, and it can really be time-consuming.

We slam the executives who make the big bonuses (they were promised) and ride in private jets but we can’t really imagine their lives. Sure, a $50 million bonus would be nice, but can we get it without having to make decisions that impact 100,000 employees whose welfare is at stake? Can we get that without being held accountable for maybe a billion dollars per quarter in profit?

So, you wouldn’t have taken steroids to enhance or prolong your earning power?
That of course would be cheating.

You would never do anything illegal, like say smoke pot?
You would never intentionally endanger your health by smoking a cigar.
You would never take an upper to stay up to study for a test.
You wouldn’t drink coffee in the morning to wake up.
You wouldn’t smoke a cigarette for stress relief.
Or have a drink to “relax.”
You wouldn’t take Ambien to go to sleep,
You wouldn’t take Viagra to “enhance performance.”
You wouldn’t take a diet pill to lose weight
So, you wouldn’t have taken steroids to make $25 million a year or prolong your ability to continue a dream job.

Barry, Roger, Alex, Mark, Rafael, Jose, Rafeal, Sammy, plus 100. Do you think it was performance they wanted to enhance, or their bank accounts?

Roger Clemens had so little regard for baseball, his basic deal in recent years was, “Look, I’m not going to spring training, I won’t be there for the start of the season. In fact, I’m not going to travel with the team. I’m not going to be there when I’m not pitching. I’ll show up every fifth day for a start, at about a million dollars per. I’m pitching five years past when most pitchers would retire, and I’m still throwing like I was 25. Why do you care if I look a little heavy and I’ll be broken down by October and unable to help when it really counts? Just write the checks.”

And we’re shocked that he was “cheating.” The steroid era greatly distorts my favorite sport and it’s a shame. But with so much money at stake, how can we really be shocked, when our whole culture revolves around “give me something to make me feel or perform differently?”

I love baseball. Someone once asked me, if I had to pick one activity to do for eternity what would it be? I said “play baseball.” I remember getting up on those summer mornings, throwing my glove on my handlebar, and riding off to look for a pickup game.
Baseball is one sport where size didn’t matter. It was about hand-eye coordination, that most elusive skill. If Joe Morgan could make it, anyone could.

Not today. It’s all power – home runs by bulked up, full-time weight lifters. And it’s not just baseball. Compare the slight physiques of Roberto Clemente, Michael Jordan, and Joe Montana to what their counterparts look like today. If ESPN Classic doesn’t open your eyes, nothing will. The Magic Johnson of today could back down the young Magic Johnson into the post and score at will. He works out now harder than he ever worked out when he was playing. He happens to have a unique motivation right now, but working out has a whole new meaning these days.

Steroids were a shortcut.

The problem with our economy is that the heavily-bonused execs found shortcuts. They bundled and sold and were able to post bonus-justifying numbers to the income statement, for awhile. Greed was the driver. Get-rich quick. No matter that it couldn’t continue, in fact was detrimental. Just get people into those loans, and book the income.

Regulation was the answer, but it can inhibit the greed.
Same with baseball.
How do we solve it?

The way I see it, baseball has two major problems.

First, too much talk about the Hall of Fame. It’s supposed to be about winning, not what happens after you retire.
Baseball blew it when, in an overreaction to Pete Rose, they tied the MLB eligibility list to the Hall of Fame, effectively giving the Commissioner control over HOF eligibility. The Hall of Fame had always been independent of the Commissioner. Too much power for the commissioner. He should be focused on the playing of the game and let the writers and the public do the legacy defining.

The biggest problem with Major League Baseball is the diminishing World Series. After the extended, often pulse-pounding playoffs, which go on for weeks on a ridiculous tv-driven schedule (really, off-days between games in the same city?) the World Series is often anti-climatic, with none of the tension that precedes it. Kind of the way the Super Bowl was until recent years. But the worst thing is that it’s played as winter begins, in weather more conducive to Hockey than Baseball. And even worse, it’s past young fan’s bedtime.

Bill Mazersoski hit his famous home run at 3:30 in the afternoon. Carlton Fisk hit his 12th inning home run late at night. Derek Jeter actually crossed the plate after midnight.

Baseball is scheduling so poorly, that they run the risk of becoming a DVR event. I remember taking a transistor radio to class to sneak a listen to the World Series. Imagine this scene today taking place in a school after the 7th game of the World Series: “Don’t tell me what happened – I’ve got it Tivo’d.”
Is that any way to treat the fans you need to insure your future?

What the NFL does right is The Super Bowl. The NFL season culminates in it’s ultimate event.

If baseball got back to that, it would be on its way to recovery.
I’m not quite as sure how to fix the banks.

At the Cinema - February 2009

The International – 8 – This one really surprised me.
Way better than I expected. The story about a huge bank playing in global arms dealing starts a little complicated, and gets even more so. But the centerpiece of this movie is a heart thumping chase through Manhattan. It features the good guys quietly searching for, then following the bad guy to a showdown at the Guggenheim museum. These scenes are filmed so well, that they pack more punch and tension than any of the wild car chases or Indiana Jones – Bourne – Bond – Die Hard expeditions that border on the ridiculous. Let’s face it. Most adventure movies are just that – ridiculous. We watch while laughing because they are so implausible. Here, the chase culminates in a scene at The Guggenheim museum that is anything but implausible. In fact, it is so good it is nothing short of incredible. I don’t want to give too much away other than to say I have no clue how they shot it. Most movie confrontations feature the bad guys missing and the good guys connecting on every shot and every punch. This isn’t like that. No implausibility here. No blurry action. Just some amazing work that we’ll be watching over and over on DVD for years.

After that, the movie comes down to earth and gets a little confusing, but it’s still well worth your time. What could be more evil than a bank?
The director is Tom Twyker and I thought his “Run Lola Run” 10 years ago was terrific. This makes me want to take another look. Rent it if you missed it before. Clive Owen continues to build his action resume, although in one scene he is inexplicably clean-shaven. Naomi Watts is a little wasted as the Manhattan DA who has to spend too much time justifying her investigation before “they” shut it down. If they gave out supporting actor Oscar’s for action villains, Brian F. O’Bryne as the assassin would be worthy. He’s quiet, deadly, and his shifting alliances add unexpected depth.
If you like thrillers, even when they’re a little muddy, you’ll like this one. The Guggenheim scene is why I go to movies.

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans – 7 – I’ll be the first to admit this isn’t for everyone. I’ll also admit that thanks to Buffy, I never seem to get tired of vampire storylines. I’ve seen all three of these vampire/werewolf movies and I like them. The previous two movies had Kate Bleckinsale shooting and slicing so what more could you want? This prequel actually has a pretty good story. Not for everyone. You already know if you’re a fan.