Rouxing the day

If there be any doubt in your mind that I’m an idiot, consider that I am from Pittsburgh and 40 years ago I decided to look away from the Steelers and begin a new loyalty – The New Orleans Saints. That’s right, why go to 7 Super Bowls when you can suffer through the Saints ineptitude?

(I actually did go to the first Steeler SB win – the Tulane Stadium victory over the Vikings.)

Saints - I’m convinced the gods have taken offense at the name, and we must change it. Look what happened when the Tampa Bay Devil Rays dropped the “Devil” and became just the “Rays.” They were in the World Series faster than you can say the Yankees suck.

Any suggestions on a new name for the Saints?

By the way, is there anything more gratifying that watching the Yankees miss the playoffs?

I can get some solace from the fact that I’ve seen the Pirates win 3 World Series in my lifetime. Due to baseball’s fiscal imbalance, I’m sure I’ll never see them there again. I guess it could be worse – I could be a Cub Fan.

Speaking of baseball, not to be outdone by the NFL, Major League Baseball has launched a new cable network all their own. In case you’ve wondered it’s a clone of everything every one else has been doing, including old footage, a panel of talking heads, and an overabundance of Yankees/Red Sox coverage.

By the way, how many people does it take to do a postgame show? Was NBC in some kind of arms race with ESPN on Sunday Night? These shows are going to have to expand their sets pretty soon to keep up with the current retirement rate of NFL stars. Where are they going to fit Brett Favre if he retires? Those pre and post game shows are beginning to look like a long salad bar. Soon they’ll extend one whole sideline. When there are more talking heads on the pre-game shows than on Meet the Press what does that say about America?

Speaking of sidelines, I can’t stand how many flags are thrown by referees at the sidelines. Do officials really expect football players to stop playing at the white lines? They’re way too liberal with those flags. Let ‘em play.

Great News: The Saints need a cornerback or 4 and Pacman Jones is available. Imagine the wacky hijacks that could ensue on Bourbon Street! What a great one-man reality show this would make. I can see it now – ratings through the roof. Plus, there is the added advantage of an undermanned New Orleans police department. Has there ever been a better fit than Pacman in New Orleans? He wouldn’t even have to suit up to make headlines.

The surliest fans in America? Try Philadelphia. Going to other stadiums around the country, Philly fans are the nastiest, with New York close. Question of the day – Do they deserve Donovan McNabb? Going to their fifth NFC championship game in 8 years isn’t good enough. They’ve hated McNabb since the moment his name was announced on draft day and what NFL team wouldn’t have taken him during that time period? Only about 5. The Phillies win a World Series and the delphians are still not happy. Wow.

Meanwhile, the Saints have found their defensive coordinator. All that’s at stake is a Super Bowl. If the Arizona Cardinals can make it, the Saints certainly can.

Tony Dungy retires, leaving a real legacy. He proved that you could be a nice, level-headed guy, and still win by treating men like men.

Meanwhile, at the opposite end of the class spectrum, I love to watch Deion Sanders and Stephen A. Smith try to defend Terrell Owens. “This happens on every team – it just gets coverage with T.O.” Exactly. I laugh every time I see that clip of him saying, “I love me some me.” Please stay in Dallas, T.O. Jerry loves ego, mostly his own, so you fit right in. You’ll continue to divide the team because that’s what you do. When a leader stands up to you and tries to radiate you, all hell will break loose. What ever happened to those QB’s you trashed, Garcia and McNabb? What became of them? Will Romo end up on the scrap heap because of your childish behavior? Or will you just scream at the offensive coordinators for what’s left of your career?

Last but not least the endless NFL season has once again culminated with 2 teams who got hot at the right time. Continued success in the NFL is hard to achieve. The Giants and Titans looked dominant but faded. About midway through next season look for the Steelers and Cardinals to lose concentration.

Who's going to win? My pick is coming, unless I'm an idiot.

2008 Movie Ranking

Here's a purely personal ranking of the 2008 Movies I saw - best to worst:

Slumdog Millionaire
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Role Models
Get Smart
Cadillac Records
The Bank Job
Wanted
Religulous
Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Tropic Thunder
Gran Torino
Iron Man
Changeling
Eagle Eye
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Definitely Maybe
Trouble the Water
Swing Vote
Mama Mia
Marley and Me
Burn After Reading
The Dark Knight
W
Synedoche, New York
Baby Mama
Untraceable
Quantum of Solace
The Incredible Hulk
Journey to the Center of the Earth
The X Files/I want to Believe
21
Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull
Last Chance Harvey
Vantage Point
27 Dresses
Pineapple Express

Other comments:
The best movie I saw all year was The Orphanage, but that was a 2007 release.
Rent it, turn out the lights, and prepare to be scared by a good old fashioned ghost story.

There were some I missed, like "Doubt" and "Frost/Nixon" which I'll catch sometime this year.

Movies I've seen at the last minute:

Gran Torino - 8 - unexpectedly hilarious, a worthy swan song for Clint on celluloid, if this is in fact his last on-screen appearance.
Last Chance Harvey - 6 - Tepid chick flick with Dustin Hoffman playing the same character, presumably himself, that he's been playing for years. Emma Thompson brings the film to life, but only when she's speaking. Some nice scenes, but not enough to equal a full movie.

Favorite 2008 performances:
Jeffrey Wright as Muddy Walters in Cadillac Records
Anne Hathaway in Get Smart
Tom Cruise and Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder
Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino

Best Direction - Danny Boyle for Slumdog Millionaire

At The Cinema - Year End

I'm scrambling to see all those 2008 movies that are just now making it to Mississippi.

Slumdog Millionaire - 10 - The best movies transport you to a place or time you've never been to. Here, it's an incredible travelogue of India, wrapped around a great story. Wonderful visuals, wonderful acting, wonderful editing.

Earlier this year I wrote about the most amazing statistic I heard all year:
The United States has a population of 309 million people. India has 400 million people without electricity! That’s right – 100 million people more than our entire country. I’m floored by this information. Then suddenly, along comes a movie that lets you see India. I was enthralled. Maybe you won't be - but check it out. I'm betting you'll be entertained.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - 8 - An amazing technical achievement that you will either fall for or not. For me, it fell short of greatness, mostly due to a fundamental believability flaw (which I'll be happy to discuss with you if you call me, but I don't want to give it away here. After I tell you, you'll say I'm quibbling about believability in a fantasy movie - and I won't argue that.) Meanwhile, much of the movie is truly amazing, although it does meander on a little long for my taste. Brad Pitt continues to build his resume.

By the way for Brad Pitt's most under-appreciated performance, check him out as murderer Early Grace in "Kalifornia."

One more encouraging thing about Benjamin Button. The theater was full of adults. It appears the word of mouth is building for this movie among mature viewers who it turns out will go to the movies for an intellectually challenging movie.

Mama Mia - 7 - Finally saw this on DVD and thoroughly enjoyed it. There are some mysteries here, like the incredibly poor casting of the males. Whatever happened to dubbing? If you really must have Pierce Brosnan in the movie, did you have to embarass him by revealing his vocal inadequacies? Especially while the women are torching up those catchy Abba songs?

Which brings me to the lasting impression of the movie, which is "Is there anything Meryl Streep can't do?" What a national treasure this actress is. Her enthusiasm carries the day and you can just watch in wonder as she cavorts through the incredible scenery. Sit back, enjoy it, and don't take it to seriously.

Marley and Me - 7 - The dog is great. Old Yeller now has company for the all-time dog tear-jerker award. Meanwhile, we have to look no further than Jennifer Anniston and Meryl Streep to compare the difference between celebrity and talent in the good ole USA. Jennifer is lovely to look at, probably always will be. But, here she is so bland and lifeless that she makes Owen Wilson look good - and that's a whole other discussion.

Coming soon - my ranking of every 2008 movie I saw.

Wait 'til next year

Things I learned at the Saints' last game of the season:

1) The easiest QB job in the NFL belongs to Jake Delhomme. Just fling the ball up in the air in the general direction of Steve Smith and he'll come down with it. Even if everyone in the stadium knows it's what you're going to do. Even if there are defenders in seemingly perfect position. Even if the game is on the line and he should be blanketed by 4 defenders. I've never seen anyone able to make so many clutch catches while double covered. (If you call what the Saints do "coverage." Maybe we should call it "in the neighborhood.")

2) The Saints defensive line underperformed all year. Thus, no pressure on quarterbacks, thus no turnovers, thus even worse exposure of a secondary that is slow to the ball to say the least. They also can't stop the run. Watching the Panthers much more athletic front line bounce around was a study in contrast to the stationary linemen the Saints have. Big contracts, big names, big girths - little production.

3) It's time for a big free agent signing in the secondary. We've missed the top prizes each of the last few off-seasons - it's time to get serious and get a playmaker, or two. We can't fill this need with a guess on draft day. We need 2 safeties and 2 corners before the Brees window of opportunity closes. Second tier corners like Randall Gay and Aaron Glenn are ok players but they will not take us to the next level. And just go ahead and cut the safeties now and put them out of our misery.

4) Deuce can still play. I don't care what anyone says. Maybe he doesn't have breakaway speed anymore, but the Saints have plenty of that on offense. They need the steadiness he provides. He makes the first guy miss, breaks tackles, and moves the pile. If the Saints don't re-sign him he will do damage somewhere else. In totality his game is still strong. Did you notice Bell fail to pick up a blitz? It's not that easy - we take Deuce for granted.

5) Can Reggie Bush play cornerback? Just wondering.

6) Drew Brees had an incredible game. I have never seen a defensive line walk around before the snap like the Panthers did, and he still shredded them. If Lance Moore catches the last pass, Drew is the all-time single season yardage leader, and he deserved that.

7) Drew is job security for Sean Payton. They work so well together you couldn't split them up. But the coach has to draft all defensive players again and try to improve the defense. Get to work now evaluating talent. You don't have to worry about good teams doing any scouting for the next month. They're busy. You're not.

At the Cinema - November 2008

Movies I’ve seen lately rated on my unique 10 point scale:

Quantum of Solace - 6 – I’ve already forgotten what this was about. It was slightly better than I expected after reading the reviews – but only slightly. So much action, most of it ridiculous of course, that the fact that Daniel Craig is a good, but relentless James Bond is beside the point. Where was that gadget guy? Did he leave with the fun?

Pineapple Express – 1 – For the one time I laughed. In the great tradition of stoner movies such as Cheech and Chong, having never been stoned I didn’t get it. If you’re a stoner I’m sure you’ll find this hilarious, but only if you’re sufficiently stoned. Where can I get my money back?

Role Models – 8 – Hilarious with heart. I went just to kill time, and it killed me. Great comedy – go see it.

Cadillac Records – 8 – This historical accounting of Chess Records is a must for music lovers. Special kudos to Jeffrey Wright who gives a note perfect performance as Muddy Waters. This story of Little Walter, Howling Wolf, Etta James, and Chuck Berry and their music is beautifully done and sung. I’ll probably even buy the DVD.

Changeling - 7 – Angelina Jolie shines as she captures the 30’s all by herself. Clint Eastwood calmly drives us through another accounting of the corrupt Los Angeles police department. It’s riveting stuff, beautifully done. I've said it before, and I'll say it again - no one lights up the screen like Angelina. She is our movie star.

Journey to the Center of the Earth – 6 – Saw it in 3D and while it didn’t come up to one of the personal favorites of my youth, the Pat Boone/James Mason version, it’s fine family fare and fun enough for the money.

Synedoche New York - 7 - Complicated, brilliant and maddening. Not for the faint of concentration, and definitely not for everybody. I'll need to see it again for a final verdict - it's that complex.

Sweet Caroline

It doesn't appear New York's governor is leaning towards appointing Caroline Kennedy to replace Hillary Clinton as New York's junior Senator.
That's a shame - let me come out in support of her and here's why:
She's not a politician. She's being criticized as being unqualified. Terrific! Look at what the qualifed ones have done! She could not be called a commoner by any stretch, but she seems like a normal, caring person. What we need is more normal, regular people in Congress. Ones with common sense. The more unqualified the better.

I remember watching a Congressional hearing once. Must have been home sick that day. I watched all the Congressmen give long winded speeches followed by leading questions of some poor shmuck who was testifying. Then, suddenly, a revelation. Mary Bono (Sonny's widow who had been elected to replace her husband and still serves) gave no long speech and asked a simple and direct question - the kind of question that any American would ask (except the windbags who had been asking questions.) It was an incredible moment and I've never forgotten it. A normal person asking a real question. And it was the question every viewer would have asked. I hope she's still doing it. It actually caught the witness offguard. Beautiful.

So, let's send more regular people to Congress. They may not be able to author complex laws, but I'm thinking we can hire lawyers for that, instead of electing them. All in favor say aye.

So Sorry

Dear Sirs,

Just a few apologies. We are dreadfully sorry.

First, we’re sorry we didn’t know how to travel to Washington. We really had no precedent. When Citigroup needed cash transferred right into their account, twice what we’re asking for, they didn’t even have to make the trip. We were naïve. We were asking for a loan, not a gift. Sorry.

Sorry, we didn’t realize the rules were going to be different for our bailout, about one 20th of what has been promised to financial institutions that made bad loans. Sorry, we didn’t realize all bad judgments weren’t equal.

Sorry, we didn’t cause this horrible economic mess. Now we get how this works – cause the blow up and you get tons of cash because of your poor business practices. Be a victim of the slowdown and you get tongue-lashed by all of America because of your 120 incompetent years in business. I’m sure this same technique will work on the millions of small businesses that are about to go under. Take them to the woodshed for not having a stockpile of cash to get them through this little credit crunch they didn’t cause.

Sorry, we built all those gas-guzzling SUV’s that kept us solvent, that you’re now chastising us for. The American consumer wanted them, but we were foolish. We should have tried to force them into tiny cars they didn’t want, that weren’t profitable. That way we could’ve come begging sooner, and we could have given up even more market share to our competition.

Sorry, we didn’t have a business plan you liked the first time. We rarely plan anything. Because it takes years of research, design, and engineering to build and market an extremely complicated piece of machinery while trying to predict the market conditions that will be present five years later – don't let that fool you. We’ll bring you a plan you like next time.

Sorry, we didn’t volunteer to give up our salaries sooner. We would never be so bold as to suggest that each Congressman do the same when they run the deficit up to say $10 trillion. Give yourself another raise and increase your pension. And please, learn from our mistake – don’t let anyone see how you fly.

Sorry we didn’t grovel more in our first trip.
Sorry we’re worried about all the jobs we provide, not just within the industry, but on the periphery. Sorry that so much sales tax revenue comes from the auto industry. If we shutter, I’m sure local governments will find a replacement for that revenue. I’m sure every GM store that closes will have no trouble placing their employees.

Sorry, we didn’t respect your business acumen more. You’re telling us we’ve been non-competitive for a long time. You’re right – it’s been a struggle. We’re not going to lie. But we’re invigorated with the thought of your oversight. Any entity that can spend $600 billion over 8 years searching for weapons of mass destruction can certainly advise us on what cars people will buy.

Sorry, we’ve honored those union contracts. You’re right - we should’ve filed bankruptcy several times and gotten those contracts broken. If we’re not going to keep the Geneva Convention, why should we worry about silly contracts that have improved working conditions and standards of living for millions of Americans.

Sorry, the public is against the bailout. We know it, and it hurts. We haven’t fulfilled our obligation to our customers and it’s obvious we’re not held in the esteem we once were. Competition came in and took our business. It’s the way capitalism is supposed to work. Sorry, maybe we should just quit and let all those jobs move overseas, or to non-unionized factories. Sorry, we’ve already moved so much of our manufacturing to other countries. It’s not what we wanted, but we kept the obligation to our stockholders to try to stay whole. Sorry, we should’ve kicked our stockholders to the curb in a bankruptcy like so many other big companies have done.

Sorry that there is no longer a "Buy American" sentiment. Remember when Wal Mart built its reputation on selling American made products. As usual, Wal Mart was ahead of the curve, abandoning that silly sentiment. What were we thinking?

Sorry, we have such a terrible business model that everyone is piling on. Why, we’re so stupid we actually provide the financing for dealers to stock our products. Then we provide financing for people to buy our product from the dealers. What other business would do such a stupid thing? Talk about risky loans. Talk about being upside down on your mortgage! You have to wonder how we've made it work this long.
I’m sure our high performing banks will snap up that business when we’re gone.

Sorry, we have so much to learn from you. We can’t wait for your conditions. This should be good.

Saints begin trip to Kiper Bowl

Close but no frozen cigar. This time the Saints actually gave the tough Bears defense all they could handle, taking them into overtime before displaying their suffering safety play. We never touched the ball in the OT.

Actually, it's a conspiracy on the part of the NFL. Hey guys, let's take a home game away from them and put them in London. Then let's make them go to Chicago every year - not too early now - wait til December - and make them play on that ridiculous turf that the Bears apparently resod whenever the Saints are coming to town.

Actually, the Saints had a much better game plan and if not for a couple of long kick returns by the Bears, one for a TD to start the game, probably would have won. The Saints played well enough to take it to OT.

Now we start our march to the Kiper Bowl. On the shopping list - Safeties, corners, more speed on defense. Two games to go. Winning record still possible. Small consolation, but considering the injuries I think they've done all they could do, We lost 3 games we gave away in the kicking game. Wait 'til next year - for the 40th time.

Bad News, Good News on the narrowing path to the Super Bowl

Bad news – Looks like we’ll have to deal with Matt Ryan for a long time.
He’s an NFL quarterback. I remember those yearly visits from Joe Montana and Steve Young. It wasn’t fun being in the division with them back then, and this is not going to be a fun run. It seems like the only incompletion he threw today was the one the Saints needed him to throw. The rest of the afternoon was a clinic, albeit one in how to hit wide open receivers.

Good news – Pierre Thomas had the breakout game that should finally establish him as a go-to option for Coach Payton. In one of those games where it was apparent that the team that had the ball last was going to win, the Saints balanced up their attack, and offensively kept the Falcon off balance – and successfully ran the ball to run out the clock. Guess the coach got my letter. That’s the thing – the Saints weaponry on offense isn’t limited to the passing game. If you couldn’t throw the ball at all, wouldn’t you be satisfied with Thomas, Bush, Deuce, and Karney as your running backs?

So, now we’re off to do one of the things we haven’t done in a long time – win in Chicago.
Coach, let’s match the game plan to the conditions.
Please.

Saints sputter in last trip to Tampa

Dear Coach,

Don’t get us wrong – we really appreciate the fact that you have brought the Saints up to a competitive level. We sat through many a 4 – 12 season wishing we had a coach and a quarterback that could mount a passing attack. It's ironic and rather funny to listen to Bobby Hebert pontificate after games when he and Jim Mora masterminded so many first half wins that turned into coulda shoulda woulda's by playing Rush Limbaugh second halves. No one can accuse you of that. You've got that gas pedal floored going into the curve.

The problem is that it’s not a video game. It’s real football and it’s sometimes played in real weather. I just don’t understand a couple of things. First, you’re from Chicago. So I know you must know what it takes to win in slop. Secondly, you coached with Parcells who certainly believed in smash mouth football and wearing the other team down.

You really believed you could throw the football 50 times in that rain last weekend and win? If ever a game called for Deuce up the middle this was it. Some speculate he’s finished. I don’t know how anyone can tell. When he goes in the game it’s the Stecker effect all over. Everyone knows he’s going to get the football. He can’t be effective for 10 plays a game. Neither can Pierre. Neither can Reggie. I know you’re enamored of all the weapons you have, but maybe you need to land on one.

Speaking of Reggie, it’s time to commit to Pierre. The next hole Reggie hits will be his first. He’s dancing with the stars and he’s going to end up just like the 2 players he reminds me of – Barry Sanders and Gale Sayers. They never won a championship either. Scatbacks don’t win championships. Big backs do – John Riggins, Larry Csonka, Jerome Bettis, need I go on? So think long and hard before you put Deuce out to pasture. The big ones are hard to find and he still moves the pile. I know you’ll still find use for Reggie and he’ll scare the other team as much as he scares me.

So, I’m sure you’ve heard the word “balance” about a million times this week. Ask me who’s going to win any game and I’ll tell you about 80% of the time it’s the team that’s running the ball in the 4th quarter. Maybe that’s why that come from behind stat has gotten so much play. Just remember that you can’t run the ball in the 4th quarter if you haven’t run it in the first 3.

The Giants and Steelers wear people down. They’ve got it. We want it.
Let’s put the controller down and play some football.