So Sorry

Dear Sirs,

Just a few apologies. We are dreadfully sorry.

First, we’re sorry we didn’t know how to travel to Washington. We really had no precedent. When Citigroup needed cash transferred right into their account, twice what we’re asking for, they didn’t even have to make the trip. We were naïve. We were asking for a loan, not a gift. Sorry.

Sorry, we didn’t realize the rules were going to be different for our bailout, about one 20th of what has been promised to financial institutions that made bad loans. Sorry, we didn’t realize all bad judgments weren’t equal.

Sorry, we didn’t cause this horrible economic mess. Now we get how this works – cause the blow up and you get tons of cash because of your poor business practices. Be a victim of the slowdown and you get tongue-lashed by all of America because of your 120 incompetent years in business. I’m sure this same technique will work on the millions of small businesses that are about to go under. Take them to the woodshed for not having a stockpile of cash to get them through this little credit crunch they didn’t cause.

Sorry, we built all those gas-guzzling SUV’s that kept us solvent, that you’re now chastising us for. The American consumer wanted them, but we were foolish. We should have tried to force them into tiny cars they didn’t want, that weren’t profitable. That way we could’ve come begging sooner, and we could have given up even more market share to our competition.

Sorry, we didn’t have a business plan you liked the first time. We rarely plan anything. Because it takes years of research, design, and engineering to build and market an extremely complicated piece of machinery while trying to predict the market conditions that will be present five years later – don't let that fool you. We’ll bring you a plan you like next time.

Sorry, we didn’t volunteer to give up our salaries sooner. We would never be so bold as to suggest that each Congressman do the same when they run the deficit up to say $10 trillion. Give yourself another raise and increase your pension. And please, learn from our mistake – don’t let anyone see how you fly.

Sorry we didn’t grovel more in our first trip.
Sorry we’re worried about all the jobs we provide, not just within the industry, but on the periphery. Sorry that so much sales tax revenue comes from the auto industry. If we shutter, I’m sure local governments will find a replacement for that revenue. I’m sure every GM store that closes will have no trouble placing their employees.

Sorry, we didn’t respect your business acumen more. You’re telling us we’ve been non-competitive for a long time. You’re right – it’s been a struggle. We’re not going to lie. But we’re invigorated with the thought of your oversight. Any entity that can spend $600 billion over 8 years searching for weapons of mass destruction can certainly advise us on what cars people will buy.

Sorry, we’ve honored those union contracts. You’re right - we should’ve filed bankruptcy several times and gotten those contracts broken. If we’re not going to keep the Geneva Convention, why should we worry about silly contracts that have improved working conditions and standards of living for millions of Americans.

Sorry, the public is against the bailout. We know it, and it hurts. We haven’t fulfilled our obligation to our customers and it’s obvious we’re not held in the esteem we once were. Competition came in and took our business. It’s the way capitalism is supposed to work. Sorry, maybe we should just quit and let all those jobs move overseas, or to non-unionized factories. Sorry, we’ve already moved so much of our manufacturing to other countries. It’s not what we wanted, but we kept the obligation to our stockholders to try to stay whole. Sorry, we should’ve kicked our stockholders to the curb in a bankruptcy like so many other big companies have done.

Sorry that there is no longer a "Buy American" sentiment. Remember when Wal Mart built its reputation on selling American made products. As usual, Wal Mart was ahead of the curve, abandoning that silly sentiment. What were we thinking?

Sorry, we have such a terrible business model that everyone is piling on. Why, we’re so stupid we actually provide the financing for dealers to stock our products. Then we provide financing for people to buy our product from the dealers. What other business would do such a stupid thing? Talk about risky loans. Talk about being upside down on your mortgage! You have to wonder how we've made it work this long.
I’m sure our high performing banks will snap up that business when we’re gone.

Sorry, we have so much to learn from you. We can’t wait for your conditions. This should be good.