At the Cinema - May 2012

The Avengers – 5

You’ll like this movie if you like

1. video games
2. sound and fury
3. explosions

I’m thrilled that Joss Whedon has produced a huge hit film that will guarantee his future bankability as a director.  He’s an innovative writer and director and I’m a huge fan of his work.  I’ve professed my love for Buffy and Firefly repeatedly.

Unfortunately, this movie lost me.  It’s a video game in search of a script.  It’s a major disappointment in every way.  Even the witty dialogue we are expecting from the Whedonverse gets drowned out in the sound and the fury of the CGI crashing and thrashing about.  While the special effects are impressive, they are so overwhelming that the action buries the plot.  There’s so much going on in each frame, that you can’t digest it, unless I guess you play video games constantly.  There are some genuine moments, but they are few and far between. 

The few good moments, which occur mostly in the last half hour while Manhattan is getting destroyed, are way outnumbered by the ridiculous ones, such as:

Scarlett Johanson who as the “black widow” with no apparent skills comes to this cataclysmic war between earth and aliens with a pistol.  That’s right, a pistol.

Jeremy Renner comes as an archer.  That’s right, he’s battling flying rockety things with a bow and arrow. 

Captain America brings his shield.  Thor’s got a hammer.  The Hulk has a temper (and most of the good writing) going for him.  Iron Man has his superpowered suit and because he can do the most, he gets the most screen time.  That they are all effective with these weapons is actually quite hilarious.

Samuel L Jackson, who plays the same character he always plays, presumably Samuel L. Jackson.

I could go on and on.

I truly felt my age watching this video assault.  I remember when my Dad, who loved science fiction like “The Outer Limits” wouldn’t watch Star Trek with me.  He just never bought the next generation of science fiction.  Now I know how he felt.  Special effects don’t impress me as much anymore.  I need some depth.  Especially when one gets assaulted by 7, yes 7 previews of special effects heavy movies.  Prometheus, Battleship, on, and on for 15 minutes of visual bombardment.  I was brain dead before the movie even started.  And I’m not a prude.  I play my blu-rays loud.  This movie is so over the top, I don’t even know where the top is anymore.  I know it’s fiction, and it’s based on comic books, but shouldn’t there be a believable moment? 

Am I really this old? 

Are the movies passing me by? 

Let me suggest some alternatives.

Watch “Serenity” by the same director.  It’s my favorite movie since 2000.  You will get a sense of how good Joss Whedon is at character development and the action is phenomenal while also believable.

Watch “The Long Goodnight” which showcases Samuel L. Jackson at his almost-Pulp Fiction best.  It also features one of my favorite stunts of all time.  Very underrated movie.

The Dictator = 7

You’ll like this movie if you like:

1. Sasha Baron Cohem
2. Biting Satire
3. Pratfall humor

Sasha Baron Cohen actually seems to use a script here.  It’s his story of a dictator who gets overthrown and comes to America to seize power back.  Of course America softens him and he ends up in love, after many site gags, most of which work.

I’ve got to do one spoiler.  Stop reading if you’re going to see this. If not, there’s one great line in the movie which I’m sure I won’t get right, but it went something like this, “Oh, you want to just give up on life?  You might as well put on some sweat pants and go sit at Applebees.”  That’s a classic.  There’s also one totally gross scene where the Dictator is dangling on a zip line high above Manhattan and let’s just say he has to lose some weight.  Finally, he gives a speech at the end that is really funny.  Those 3 things made the movie worth it for me.

Chernobyl Diaries – 4

You’ll like this movie if you

1. liked the Blair Witch
2. like the 5 teenager rule.
3. like jumping

I took my wife to this movie and somehow neglected to tell her it was a scary movie so I guess she thought it was a documentary or something and when the first “jump” shock scene happened, she jumped higher than I’ve ever seen anyone jump in a movie.  She turned to me and asked, "Is this a scary movie?"  Yes she jumped higher than when, back in college, the gang went to see Carrie two nights in a row and I grabbed people on the leg at the big shock scene at the end of the movie.  Yes, higher than when we took Catholics to see the Exorcist.  So, this movie was entertaining in terms of spouse-scaring but is of little other value.  My wife wanted her money back.  I thought it was worth it.

And why is it always 5 characters in jeopardy?  Not 4.  Not 6.  I'd have been a great character in these.  I was always the 5th wheel.

The Five Year Engagement – 8

You’ll like this movie if you like

1. Jason Segel
2. Emily Blunt
3. Rom Com

Let me be the first to make this prediction.  Someday Jason Segel will win an Oscar.  He’s a prolific and very good writer who keeps improving.  He’s fearless in what he is willing to portray on the screen, and most importantly he’s getting a track record for box office success, which leads to more green lights for his projects.  His movies are perfectly cast, and he’s smart enough to get a good director, his co-writer Nicholas Stoller, who performed the same duty on Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  Maybe they’re the new Woody Allen/Marshall Brickman. 

While this movie has some cringe moments, making it slightly uneven, the two stars make it believable and that’s the key to pulling it off.  Emily Blunt brings her charisma to another role on her way to stardom.  She and Segel are great together, and if their relationship wasn’t believable, then the movie would have sunk like a movie starring Katherine Heigl and well, anyone.

The title telegraphs the plot as a couple keeps putting off their wedding as they go through relationship ups and downs, mostly related due to career choices, like an ill-fated move to Michigan.

Now the scenes in Michigan were particularly funny to me, recalling the 20 months and 26 days we lived in Michigan.  Ah, the memories of the time my wife had to call a tow truck to tow open the frozen garage door, then tow out the car because the parking brake had frozen.  And we actually liked Michigan…summers. The movie portrays the one inescapable fact about Michigan - it makes a man want to grow a beard.

Anyway, the movie's got the same plot as every other rom com that’s ever been made, boy gets girl, etc……but it’s done with great style, a lot of raunch, and some actual character evolution. 

One more thing I was really impressed with was Alison Brie, who plays Emily’s sister.

I’d never seen her before and she stole her scenes.  I love to watch a star being born. 

So, I still haven’t seen a great movie this year so let’s turn to…

Scanning the Satellite

American Idol – For the 5^th straight year the competition was won by a white bread, white guy strumming a guitar, which America loves so much I wonder why the airport Holiday Inns aren’t packed every night.  (Now I’m not knocking these singers.  I actually love them.  I booked many a guitar player when I had a restaurant/bar, and I’ve always said they’re the happiest people I know.  They get to do something they love.  I admire them. But they shouldn’t automatically win Idol because they have a guitar strapped around their neck.  I knew with 10 weeks to go who was going to win.  I was profiling.)

America bypassed one great soul-like performer in Joshua Ledet, probably because not enough appreciate soul music anymore, and a 16 year old, Jessica Sanchez, with an incredible voice for any age, and a great stage presence for her age.  Both will have great careers, I think.  I can’t imagine Phil Phillips doing much but following in the footsteps of Taylor Hicks, Lee Dewyze, Kris Allen et all.  All nice singers, but stars?  The credibility that Idol established with Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood has evaporated and they continue to lose ratings, but that was inevitable no matter how predictable the voters got when the producers made the dumb decision to allow the contestants to play an instrument.  The Judges, just like me, have nothing new to say either, and I think when they gush over someone, that actually backlashes.

Randy:  “Yo, dude, let me tell you what I love about this….”

Jennifer:  “That gave me goosies….”

Steven:  “That was beautiful, just beautiful.”

 Oh well, American Idol has done some wonderful things over its run of dominance.  They’ve brought back some great songs and gotten a lot of people singing them.

I threw this out on facebook, but my favorite Idol performers since I’ve been watching were Jordin Sparks, Chris Daughtry, Katherine McPhee, Siobhan Magnus, Casey Abrams, Alison Iraheta, Haley Reinhart, James Durbin, Pia Toscano, David Cook, Joshua Ledet, and Jessica Sanchez.  Who were yours?

Glee – I admit it.  I’m a Gleek.  Sure loved the way Glee closed its 3 year run with that incredibly talented cast.  It was all positive and feel good, after 3 years of sometimes cringy drama, which I often DVR’d right past to get to the music.  Giving the broadway treatment to pop songs has sure been a winning formula, but whoever cast this series deserves accolades for the phenomenal talent that was put together. 

After it was all said and done, I have to say Dianna Agron gets my vote as my favorite actor on the series.   Quinn wasn’t the best dancer or singer, but she did both with great style.  She did much of the dramatic heavy lifting as her character went through enough evolution to fill a high school.  Pregnancy, adoption, jealousy, hatred, near-fatal accident, to finally leadership.  She pulled it all off.  I loved watching her dancing in the background of the big numbers.  She never mailed in a moment.  I’m hoping she goes on to stardom in the movies.  Who was your favorite?

Weight of the Nation - HBO 4 part documentary on obesity in America.  I haven't watched it all yet, but what I've seen so far has been a potential game-changer.  Very enlightening and has even dulled my appetite for a few days, hopefully slowing my march to the inevitable lapband.